2 Days before Wheels Up
I ask Kate, “You gonna cry tomorrow?” She replied, “I don’t know.” I said, “I don’t know if I will either.” She said, “You didn’t when till you deployed, at least you didn’t tell me.”
I can’t remember if I cried back then. I cried when we lost a baby but that is all I can remember crying about. It is almost as if I had become Numb. (think Lincoln Park song Numb playing in the background- is it any wonder he completed suicide)
Is it any wonder many Veterans have completed Suicide? We carry a lot. All the pain, the stuff that hurts and not a word. Not a tear shed. Soldier on, marching on, moving on… I don’t wanna talk about it.
But that ain’t me any more. I started crying when my mom died. I remember thinking, “who’s gonna pray for me everyday? Who cares now?” And I started crying. I think I cried for several months. Then one day I got up and decided to do something.
Vet Church, The Last Honky Tonk, travel, guitars, weed, mellowing out, laughing, -joy… life changed. I began pursuing healing. I found that PTSd ain’t ever totally going away but I decided that it will not control my life. Pain will not control my life. Anger will not control my life. Sadness will not control my life. I will control my life. I will be in control.
That doesn’t mean that I can control everything- no one but Christ could and even He didn’t. Christ didn’t save everyone. He did not force people to stop doing evil. He did not make all people love each other. He was so into the concept of free-will that he allowed people to make a choice and kill him. He didn’t heal everyone or feed all the hungry people nor did he stop all enslavement and poverty.
Perspective here? - I can’t change everyone or everything. I Can change certain things about me and I will exercise that power. I’m am living differently.
The Camino de Santiago has begun for me. Two days out and I’m already changing. Haven’t cried yet. (I am still keeping that option open). I am excited about the trip. I’m excited about flying again (yes I will keep y’all informed). I’m excited about Spain. I’m excited about praying in the same places that many other Believers have prayed.
I’m excited about y’all praying with me. I’m excited about y’all journeying with me via Facebook Live and this Blog. I’m excited about the plans for seeing many of you this next year. I’m excited about being alive and embracing the JOY of Thy Salvation.
And what exactly is the “Joy of Thy Salvation?” I think it is love, freedom, kindness and empowerment to do good and have fun. I think that we all have the ability to experience this Joy. Will you join me?
Darn Tough socks, Merino Wool shirt, shorts, music, toothbrush, travel CPAP and Alpha-Stim. Ready, set…