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Week 3, 2025 line in the sand

Sitting in the waiting room at the VA. I’m surrounded by old Veterans. Wait a second, yeah, they are older than me, but I’m right behind them. I can feel it.


The conversations range between the troubles of standing up from a seated position, to what is good to watch and the benefits of one streaming service over the other.  And one by one the old Veterans are called back. New folks fill the seats. Then I hear my name, “Williams, Matthew Williams?”


I get up (and nothing get me down, -no wait that’s the line from Van Halen’s song “Jump.”) I do get up and walk back. I greet the Doctor. We talk. And then he fits me with the hearing aids. Can I actually hear better?


The Doc believes that I will be able to.  He points to the screen of his computer and says, “See this line right here. A lot of conversation happens in this area. This other line is your hearing and it is below where it should be. You are missing some things.”  He’s right. I am missing some things.


The things I am missing most are in the relationship arena. As time went along, life moved on, and the greatest tragedy happened. And it has happened more than once.


This great tragedy has probably happened to you too. I’m not talking about death. Death is inevitable. It’s coming for all of us. The great tragedy I’m talking about is shunning.


Well, I call it shunning. In my case I can think of several instances where folks drew lines in the sand and said, “If you cross this line then I’m done with you!” The inevitable line in the sand used as a boundary is not so much a boundary but rather a wall. And that wall will not be that which controls me.


Of course I went over the line. Of course they decided to shun me (call it “cancelled, ignored, wrote off,” whatever). Of course as time went by I thought about it.


I thought about it because in most of these cases I really liked the people who did this to me. In some cases loved them. Do I understand why they did it? Not really. Sometimes I’m not even sure what the line was that I crossed. But I crossed it.


In one case one of the guys has actually died. Him and I will never get to talk about the situation. No reconciliation will occur in this life. But I will remember walking down the road and seeing him drive on by without stopping or waving. I distinctly know the line he drew in the sand and I am glad I crossed over it. I’m not glad that our friendship ment so little to him. In fact it saddens me.


The point is that we are all growing older. If you have drawn a line, if you have shunned someone, if you wanna change the outcome- before you both die-you can.  Saw this post which indicated that no matter how far you have gone away the road towards forgiveness is one single step.


Now I do need to add that this “line in the sand” is not about morals or principles. This is about acceptance and kindness. Should we all have standards and integrity? Are morals and principles important? Absolutely.


Christ was living in a day and age when humans were abusing humans. People were using people all over the place. Sexuality was in question, much more than it is today. Yet Christ doesn’t draw the lines in the sand. His approach is much wilder. He talked and lived truth, compassion, love, going the extra mile, sacrifice, holiness, humility. And what made/makes it tough is that he joins with each individual in something we call “personal responsibility.”


Drawing lines in the sand in order to force behavior is not at all what Christ did. So what do we do? What can we do? How do we navigate life when we will inevitably cross some line in the sand.


I purpose a couple of things:

  1. the extra mile

  2. 490

  3. Love

These three things have helped me to change me. One of my friends points out that each day he attempts to be better than the day before. That’s what I’m getting at here.


the extra mile-

I love the scene in the Chosen show where the disciples and Christ are forced to carry the soldiers gear. In that scene they make a point of going the extra mile. The disciples don’t like the idea of it but they love the effect it has on the soldiers. The point is not to focus on the moment but rather to focus on following Christ’s teaching and example. If the principal is to be selfless in serving then let that translate to the “line in the sand” scenario. Go the extra mile with that person. If they have shunned you, ignored you, cancelled you- well, respect their right to do that. In a world with thousands of people, surely you will and can find others who will love, want and cherish you. Going the extra mile in this manner is difficult. I am personally tempted to let them know what I think of them or at a minimum flick em the bird and explain in detail where they can get OFF. But in this case going the extra mile is just shutting up, praying for them and me, and moving on in life.


490

In Matthew chapter 18 Peter is asking Jesus just how many times he needs to forgive someone. Peter suggest the number 7. Jesus counters with 7 times 70. Then Jesus goes into a story which actually suggests that forgiveness is integral to being a Christian. He almost goes so far as to say that unless you forgive you ain’t no  christian, but His grammar is better He doesn’t use ain’t and He relies upon the reader/listener to understand the story.


So I try to forgive. This does not mean I can always forget but I can always make the choice to forgive. (Sometime in the future I may write a blog about, “what does forgiveness look like in action,” but for today I will trust that the Holy Ghost will guide you and you will make the right choice.)


Love

Love is tough. You gotta bring adult determination and childlike tenderness together in order to do love. Love is not a feeling. Love is not an emotion. Love is the work that changes everything. Love is the glue of compassion. Love is the strength of hope. Love is the power to be.


How do I love? (I appreciate a bit of self examination and reflection in this area and I do it often) I can tell you this. When I find I am doing something selfishly, then I am not doing that thing out of love.  When I discover that I am doing something to be seen by others, that ain’t love.


So, these folks who drew the line and cut me off- how am I loving them? Well for one thing, I pray for them. Prayer is the absolute most that I can do. I talk to God and ask Him to bless them. To give them strength and courage and to draw them to Himself. I ask Him to love them. Then I do my best to harbor no ill will or entrain no foul thoughts about them (490). And lastly I go out of my way to serve them when the opportunity arises (extra mile.)


Ok let’s be fair. I am human. I miss the mark. I fall short. I’m a bit of an idiot (donkey). I don’t do it all properly. I do a few aspects of it constantly the rest is hit or miss. I keep trying to do better. I will keep trying to do better.


Thing is-time is running out. I’m getting older. Today I got my first set of hearing aids. I hope to wear out a couple of pairs but ya never know when the door will open and your name will be called. At least I’m listening for the call…

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